if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
so much tequila, so little girl.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
