I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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