Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
