my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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