I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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