Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think i have herpe
just one?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
