So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
