there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
