guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
