I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize