I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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