I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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