he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my shit smells like andre
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize