my phone needs a breathalizer
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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