Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
