i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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