Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
