All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think i have herpe
just one?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
