Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
