How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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