yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
4 words: hood of his car
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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