Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
