I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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