3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
