I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
