I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
