I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
