My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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