Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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