He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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