Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize