The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
