Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
