I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
