there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
