we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
