We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
