Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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