I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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