A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
