i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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