All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
