we made out on top of his cat.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
