Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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