I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
