Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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