Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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