I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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