Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
