Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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