he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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