I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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