Your dad touched me again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
