bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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