Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
