I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
