You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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