She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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