Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
