I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
