I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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