well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
