I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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