We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
