my mouth tastes like poor choices
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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