I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
