Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
