there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
