Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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