Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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